great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
