mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
