we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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