When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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