I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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