sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
