it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
