You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
3 2 1 whiskey
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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