i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
