whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
