My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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