Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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