he wants to bone in the snuggie
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think my moral compass just broke
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
