Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
