Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
