Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
