Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
