the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
