Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
