Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
