Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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