I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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