This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
