hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
