yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
