first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Randomize
