Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
