i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
