i just wanna soil my oats bro
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you inspire me to be a worse person
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dicks are not precious.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
