I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
