She's JV to your varsity
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
