i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
