Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
