Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
