even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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