omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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