I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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