New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
