thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
