worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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