So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
