just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
