I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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