Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
