and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
