I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
