I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
