i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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