I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Did I show you my penis last night?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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