I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
