i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I miss vodka workout Fridays
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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