I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
