he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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